She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm always down for nudity.
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