just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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