it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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