She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize