i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
