I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
