i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize