I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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