She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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