i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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