I wish I could teleport
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it because I queefed?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
