You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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