So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
