there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
