it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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