I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
