Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
