If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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