is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
