The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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