I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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