remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize