we have pet lesbian snakes
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
