so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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