Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
