lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize