What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
