Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
