is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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