I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
