woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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