At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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