i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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