That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
