Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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