He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
