There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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