that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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