I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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