Christians are straight up FREAKS
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
