...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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