This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
