What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize