I'm jealous of your bromance
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
