That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
