i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
