But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
