Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
