meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize