Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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