I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
