Got a toothbrush?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize