the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
