That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
