And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
