im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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