I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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