Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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