I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize