he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
