Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
