I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
