We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
