i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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