watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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