I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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