You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
