Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
