I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
