I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
