I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
