don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
