I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
