naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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