So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
