Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize