He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
