Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
