Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
