Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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