is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
