If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
