We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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