i think i have two assholes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
