Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
