I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
