I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
