we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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