Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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